/TrustYourGut

So I’m hardly home anymore. I’m always out for one specific reason, and that’s to avoid my disfuctional family. Growing up in my family I learned that I’m worthless, my opinion is worthless, that ill never get the benefit of the doubt, that I’m a demon, everything I say is a lie, and everything that I’m a insignificant piece of shit.
So this thanksgiving, for some reason I missed my shithole family. I knew they didn’t change, but a part of me still hoped that the distance would be a remedy to cure the hurt. So I spent thanksgiving with my family, and it wasn’t all that bad. I was happy that I thought the cycle of pain was ended, but I was wrong.
I let for vegas this morning, and as I was packing I realized that I ran out of medicine for my asthma, so I asked my mother for some. She looked for some, but couldn’t find any. Then it hit, the high pierce yell that aaccused me of finishing my medicine. I said I didn’t, but it never ever seems to go through. Why bother. My mother then goes to ger room and gets her “secret” bag of inhilation medication. She yells at me taunting me with this bag of medicine in hand. This bag could decide the difference of life or death for me, and my mother has the arrogance and pride to dangle it in front of me screaming, “you’re worthless, you’re irresponsible.” A man could only take so much, so I snatched the medicine and left. And as I left, all I could hear in the background was my shithead father yelling, go die! I’d wish you’d die you son of a bitch. I hope you never come home. I hope you die you ingrate.
And so within 48 hours, I remembered why to remain secluded and numb from my family. Its so I can’t be hurt anymore. Lesson learned, trust your gut.

/end rant

@3 months ago